Change Starts in the Mirror! Check Yo Self!

"I'm starting with the man in the mirror,

I'm asking him to change his ways.

And no message could have been any clearer:

If you wanna make the world a better place,

Take a look at yourself, and then make a change!" —Michael Jackson

If you have feelings like me, you probably have experienced the rush of emotions to let someone know what you think. Then, after stewing over it for a while, you write the infamous email and save it in your drafts. Then, at that next moment of emotional reaction you hit send! Done! Released into the haunted world of misinterpretation, overreaction, and ignorance of childhood trauma... reflecting perfectly the environment of its origin!

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us." - Hermann Hesse.

I recall sitting in corporate leadership meetings, watching presentations, caught up in my own feelings—frustrated by styles I disliked. I was feeling upset, triggered, and frustrated. The truth was, I was seeing aspects of my current and future self on stage and I was not liking what I was seeing. Your sight is a reflection of the health of your thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Your thoughts shape your reality as much as your reality shapes your thoughts.

Gary Winters references the Pygmalion effect in his quote "people will rise or fall to your level of expectation." As a teacher, boss, or coach, your expectations shape the environment and influence whether someone thrives or struggles. However, my perspective on this is a bit different - someone does not change because of you. We don't have that much power, my friends. People choose to change because of how they choose to see themselves in your eyes.

It all starts with perspective. Seeing the best in others can create an environment where they begin to see the best in themselves. But at the end of the day, seeing the best in ourselves is a choice only we can make—regardless of our surroundings. I believe we have agency over our self-fulfilling prophecies. And if your environment makes it impossible to see the best in yourself, maybe the healthiest choice isn’t just to change it—but to change where you stand within it.

"You see what you want to see, not what's there." - Jennifer Hillier. Remember, there is good in everyone. You simply need to look for it.

"If a man has ten good qualities and one bad one, look at the ten and forget the one. And if a man has ten bad qualities and one good one, look at the one and forget the ten." - ʻAbdu'l-Bahá

So, the next time you are upset, before you hit send, pause. Not for them—for you. The person you’re really writing to might just be in the mirror. Always look inside before looking outside. Because at the end of the day, the only person you truly have the power to change is the one staring back at you.

And if you don’t believe me, just remember what Das EFX and Ice Cube said: "You better check yo self before you wreck yo self."

The Pygmalion Effect (i.e. Rosenthal Experiment) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aN5TbGW5JA

© Nuri Dimler 2025