Don't Think Why, Feel the What

As a lifelong nerd 🤓, I have always sought to understand the why of things mechanical, mental, and spiritual. This analytical mindset drove deep reflection and thorough investigation to establish clear problem statements. As a result, this focused clarity enabled efficient root cause discovery and effective corrective actions. I practiced this approach to solve issues in sports competitions, organizational dynamics, and technology development.

This practice brought me much professional fortune and success, but I slowly discovered that when I applied it to social interactions, I was left feeling emotionally drained. People aren't problems to be solved.

I have discovered through my 40+ years of human experience that sometimes, especially when considering the actions of others, we may never know the why or the root cause. We are designed to know and control our own thoughts and behavior.

Rumination about the thoughts and behavior of others, especially without communication, becomes an endless spin cycle of wasted energy.

The initial emotional reaction to a social interaction like someone cutting you off in traffic, making an inappropriate comment, or sending a rude correspondence lasts less than 90 seconds, according to neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor.

The longer you think and replay this interaction in your mind, your negative thoughts can become a mood, impacting how you treat others.

Not every "why" deserves an answer.

I believe when we ruminate, we create unnecessary stress over someone who may have had positive intentions and/or a perfectly acceptable "why" for their behavior. I have learned it is better to confront the "what" of your feelings and leave the thinking of the "why" for the other person. I am learning the art of validating emotions without judgment.

When we accept that emotional distress doesn't always come with a why, we can take a step back and observe the feeling. Once we are clear, we can process emotions better and move forward.

So, my friends, trust yourself to leave the why thinking alone and let your what feeling help you process and smile while enjoying another sunset. ☀️

If you have trouble remembering, listen to N.O.R.E... "what what what what..." and try feeling the what! 🤓

Here's to another golden week of self-empowerment and prosperity. 💛 🖖

© Nuri Dimler 2025