ABC's of golden leadership - creating lasting energy for all.

Why ABC's? It is one of the first things we learn in our elementary education. I remember the alphabet characters on Sesame Street and in the classroom. It becomes the foundation of speech, language, and communication. I thought one early morning why not establish the fundamentals of what it means to be an inspirational leader. What it means to light the fire within (as opposed to behind) and establish lasting organizations and improved welfare for societies. What it means to inspire with love as opposed to fear. Below are my stream of thoughts from my own personal journey in life from my early childhood to now and all the trials and tribulations I have endured to become closer to my purpose and reason for being.

A - agile. Change is inevitable, but how we react and adapt to it is a skill not commonly expressed. To have a cool head to problems, a warm heart to your team, and working hands "in the arena" to solve problems is essential. Know that agility requires an open mind, a willingness to accept change, and an ability to remain focused on the goal (which also might change). It takes self awareness and humility to realize what is in your control, within your influence, or completely outside.

B- brave. Many like to brag that they never feel fear. Fear is felt by every human and bravery is having the courage to face fear head-on. This can mean having a difficult conversation with a customer, presenting conflicting data to the board, asking her out, taking the game winning shot. Bravery is letting go of control and doing what you believe is right despite apparent odds. In a compliment of meanings, Brené Brown has used the term BRAVING to describe the 7 elements of trust.

Boundaries: What is okay and what is not okay, and why

Reliability: Doing what you say you will do

Accountability: Owning your mistakes, apologizing, and making amends

Vault: Not sharing information or experiences that are not yours to share (no backbiting)

Integrity: Choosing courage over comfort, choosing what's right over what's fun, fast, or easy, and practicing your values

Non-judgment: Listening to people without judgment, and being nonjudgmental toward yourself even when you feel different or “othered”

Generosity: Extending the most generous interpretation to the intentions, words, and actions of others

C - competent. I am a firm believer that you cannot be a master unless you have taught and you can't be a teacher unless you have done. If you are none of these then you should seek out others who are competent and rely on the limits of what you know. Many try to behave like they know more far beyond their ability and only end up losing trust in themselves and their team.

D - diligent. This is one of the greatest skills in action. Whether you are making your bed, preparing a meeting, reviewing test data, confirming a diagnosis, reviewing a design; taking quality time to ensure the upmost excellence builds trust and respect from anyone who crosses your path. This is also contagious and prevents future mistakes and losses from reoccuring.

E- empathetic. It is easy to say "that has never happened to me" or "I have no idea what that feels like" but this brings no healing to the person in struggle. The change happens when you listen to understand, mirror the feeling, and relate as best you can to the situation. When you acknowledge the emotion, one is able to let much of the stress go and you will become an aid in healing.

F- front-facing. Be willing to take responsibility and the fall for your team. This means you role model ultimate accountability and are willing to sacrifice your ego and status for the greater good. You become the first to communicate bad news, first to begin problem resolution, and the first to assemble the right resources. As a result, you will then find yourself with many people willing to follow and support you because of this.

G - generous. Many may think they already act like this, but for me this can almost never be done in excess if performed with the right intentions and mind set. Generosity can show up in giving others your food when you know they are hungry, giving others your time when they need someone to talk to, and giving others gifts which show you were always listening and attune with their desires.

H - honest. I first learned what it really meant to be honest at P&G. Our CEO at the time, David Taylor was on a mission to turn our results around and get people focused on looking at themselves in the mirror. I remember him giving a talk on how people will share how we were green from a year ago, showing upward progress, but never sharing if we were winning versus competition and in our market overall. He called it personal accountability, raise the bar, and in it to win it. Honesty also means telling the truth and I believe truthfulness is the foundation of all virtues. It means doing what you say and saying what you do. All other virtues become irrelevant if there is no truth.

I - inquisitive. I heard an acronym recently called TED. Tell me, Explain to me, or Describe to me. One of the skills I learned at P&G was the power of asking open ended questions with a focus to seek to understand. This was revolutionary. I even use this practice with my kids. When one chooses to describe their thought process, tell me how they got to an outcome, or explain the sequence of events which led to a decision I feel a deeper connection and understanding of that individual. You observe both the verbal and nonverbal responses to assess the actual state of the situation. One friend of mine used to look for the sparkle in the eyes to see if an organization was engaged and energized.

J - just. I have had countless experiences in business when I asked if what we were doing for one individual was fair for everyone else. I got in the habit of reflecting what would be just decisions and actions for the whole. I took into account role levels, cultural differences, job titles, tenure, and anything else I thought was relevant in the decisions. This short amount of time to ask the question helped foster an equitable environment which enabled more trust and and happiness for the team.

K- kind. Kindness is a decision. In every moment we have a choice whether to give a compliment, notice a positive attribute, or provide thanks for the most simple of gestures. This choice to be kind is contagious and elicits a happiness factor most of us can only imagine. I can think of many times when at home I reflected on a kind act done by a stranger which made the difference in the outcome of my day. Just think if we made the choice to do that every day for others... what a more positive world of humanity.

L- listener. I recall a mentor who told me that the best training he ever received was on how to listen. Listening is a unique skill and most who think they are good at it are actuality horrible. Listening requires 100% attention to what someone is staying which means there is no room to think about how it related to you or what you should add that connects with yourself. Listening means it is 100% about what the person is saying and 100% about asking questions for clarity on what the person is saying. Imagine you just got back from visiting Paris and someone was telling you about the best trip of their life and it happen to be in the same area of Paris you visit every year. Your immediate inclination would be to say "I know that area" but it is much better to ask them what they loved about it and why it was the best trip of their life... you will learn so much more and they will be happier.

M- maker. Being a maker means you create. So many won't even draw out what they are thinking let alone build a physical model. I recall using cardboard boxes to map out the concept of what I was thinking. Being a maker is to first have the vision and then to start the process of building the concept and then ultimately executing the design and proving the results of the design. If you are not willing to get physical and make prototypes then you should question how passionate you are with the design.

N- negotiator. This is one of the most important skills. Many stop communicating when someone says no or doesn't respond. The truth is there is something for everyone in everything. You just need to spend the time to investigate what that is. If you do this well, you will have the golden ticket to motivation. As with most things, the power is in knowing their why, then you can guide the outcome to meet their needs as well as yours.

O- opportunistic. I am a firm believer that luck is when preparation meets opportunity. Preparation comes with hard work and crafting of your unique passion and skill. Opportunity is simply being open to network and look outside yourself, your paradigm. When you match these together you find an exponential increase in potential and prosperity. So, for me being opportunistic is being willing to look at things from different perspectives and to learn from the most diverse experiences.

P- problem solver. Being a problem solver doesn't mean that when someone comes to you with an issue you stop listening and start solving. What it means is to have a mindset that every issue has a solution, no matter how complicated. With this mindset you learn to look at the smallest changes as indications of a different reality which allows you to start understanding the root cause of problems. One of my first mentors told me to believe nothing that I hear and half of what I see. This mindset made me always question and investigate all things.

Q- quiet. As I shared before, listening is a key skill. You can't listen if you are talking. There is a common saying that you have 2 ears and one mouth for a reason. I find that in silence you find peace. You are not inclined to brag, bring attention to yourself, or dominate a conversation. Instead, you become an observer and attain greater understanding of those around you by simply being quiet.

R- respectful. Chivalry, respect, and honor seem more rare to me these days. I find many people will shake your hand without eye contact, cheer your glass without eye contact, open a door and not hold it for the following person, cut someone off in traffic like they were entitled to be in front... so many transgressions. I make a point to let someone turn their car in front of me, pass me, or get the right of way to be respectful. The smallest actions of respect become contagious and might become the small moment of light and goodness someone needs in their life that day.

S- servant. Being a servant to others does not mean you belittle or abase yourself. It means you think of how best to enable the other person in work, happiness, and comfort. It could look like allowing your team to eat before you, serving drinks to your guests first, ensuring your guests have first choice on where to sit, giving your seat away on a trip to those who want to be next to a window. It means being selfless. However, in order to be selfless to others we must first be at peace and happiness with our own self. Like in the plane when advised how to handle an emergency situation, you must first put oxygen on yourself before you give it to others.

T- thankful. Some refer to this as living with an attitude of gratitude. What does it mean to be thankful? To me it means recognizing where you are and being content with your life. One cannot find happiness in acquiring something until they are thankful for what they have acquired. Thankfulness means noticing the smallest of gestures by others and the condition of your mind. body, and spirit which allow you to exist. To me thankfulness is one of the keys to inner peace.

U- uniter. Debating, arguing, correcting, and interrupting are all natural tendencies which can be easy to perform. The problem that most of the time they are rooted in ego and not in a pure motive to drive justice. I find it easier to listen intently and seek to understand first. You will then have the basis to drive a clear argument (if one is needed) or to open your mind to another perspective. This is especially true in parenting and marriage. If your intent is to unify you will find that most arguments will be avoided and the parents will show up unified in front of children and aligned to a common purpose. Many teams struggle because they don't have a deep unified commitment to the goal.

V- verifier. I think of a verifier as a seeker of truth and knowledge. If you never investigate and seek other perspectives you will easily be influenced to see through the eyes and know of the knowledge of those you spend the most time around. I chose to listen with intrigue and observe with microscopes, sensors, and tools beyond the human eye. This has led me to many great discoveries in my professional career as an engineer and helped me build deeper relationships with others because I had the capability to go beyond the superficial.

W- writer. If you don't write it down it never happened. Taking notes, journaling, reporting are the next level introspection and documentation of knowledge. Becoming a skilled writer enables you to effectively communicate in more than one way. Once something is written it tends to last longer than words over time and reaches different parts of the brain in comprehension. I tend to reflect on what I read much longer than anything I have heard.

X- x-factor. If you think of your upbringing, your experiences, your personality, and your passions you are one of one. There is no one in the universe exactly like you. If you focus on what brings oxygen to your soul and that you can do without becoming tired, bored, and/or frustrated you have found what you can master to become that "x-factor" which sets you apart from everyone else and when coupled with providing a service will make you successful beyond imagination. The theory of competitive strategy by Michael Porter has been simply summarized as choosing to be different. "It means deliberately choosing a different set of activities to deliver a unique mix of value". I believe that choice of activities must resonate with who you are and as a result will be different and when you determine how to serve others you will deliver a unique mix of value.

Y- yielder. Yielding means self control. This can show up as being slow to anger, guarded in your speech, and recognizing the bigger picture. When around groups of people I often observe a festival of reactions. Everyone is reacting off what is being said verbally and nonverbally by the other. If we reflect and understand that almost 95% of our reactions are subconscious, born of imitation and association, then we are in a group of unconsciously awake socialites. Imagine being conscious of your thoughts, your words, your body language, and your responses. This leads to deep communication which builds meaningful relationships and just societies.

Z- zealous. Enthusiasm and energy is born from doing what you love. This energy is like a magnet which attracts others and becomes contagious. Laughter and happiness is something people like to be around. It is difficult not to smile no matter how bad your day has been when you see someone in pure joy. I believe this attribute also leads to better health and performance in what you do. This is the secret to effective sleep, improved body function, and a more youthful appearance. Why spend one moment of our precious and fleeting lives without a smile on our faces?

I hope this makes a positive difference in your life as it has done on mine.

© Nuri Dimler March 26, 2024