Seek Abundance, the Monkey is your Friend

This morning, an episode of StarTalk (featuring astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson) included an explanation of how absolute zero temperature could never be reached and how cold is simply the lack of heat. Using this premise, darkness lacks light, dryness lacks humidity, silence lacks noise, stillness lacks movement, evil lacks good, hate lacks love, disorder lacks leadership... the list goes on.

What about the addictions we encounter in life, such as smoking, alcohol, drugs, sugar, caffeine, gambling, or social media? What is missing in our lives that leads to these addictions? What lack is sustaining that "monkey on the back"?

My theory, based on my own experience, is that addictions occur because we lack healing from the wounds of trauma and/or unmet childhood emotional needs. People can spend a lifetime never recognizing or healing from a wound left by a distressing event or intergenerational trauma. The wound impacts our subconscious programming, causing us to react rather than choose our behavior in life's precious moments. When we start to heal and realize the causes of our feelings, behavior, and thoughts, we can begin to change our environment to reprogram ourselves to the life we want to live.

3 Steps to move from Lack to Abundance.

1. Practice Self-Awareness Through Reflection. Understanding your triggers and emotional patterns is crucial. Addiction often acts as a response to something deeper, such as stress, loneliness, or unresolved emotions. Keep a journal and write down when the urge to engage in the addictive behavior arises. Reflect on the thoughts, feelings, or events that preceded the urge. Ask yourself: What am I trying to avoid or soothe in this moment?

   
   

2. Explore the Root Causes. Addiction often masks unresolved pain or trauma from past experiences. Exploring these origins can help bring clarity. Identify key life events or recurring emotional themes (e.g., abandonment, rejection, or loss). Seek wisdom from resources trained in trauma-informed care to explore these issues. Ask yourself: What does this addiction give me that I feel I lack in my life?

   
   

3. Rebuild Healthy Coping Mechanisms. Once you understand the root causes, you can begin replacing the addiction with healthier ways to meet your emotional needs. Find activities that nurture you (e.g., exercise, art, meditation, or spending time with supportive people). Build skills for self-regulation, like mindfulness or breathwork, to help manage stress without turning to the addiction. Reflect on your values and goals, and ask: How can I create a life that aligns with my authentic self?

For me, the most critical step is self-awareness. Learn to become an observer of your own thoughts and feelings. One of my favorite TED Talks is by Monk Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche about meditation and his journey to overcome anxiety. Remember, once you can observe unwanted thoughts, behaviors, and feelings, you are no longer in them. Then, you can gain personal agency, emotional freedom, and mental abundance.

Sometimes understanding what the monkey lacks is the best way to get it off our backs!

All the best in strength, courage, and perseverance to set clear your life and control your destiny!

© Nuri Dimler 2025